Thanks to all the creative people out there.
(wish I knew who they are so I could give them credit)
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At The Bar
After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland.'
The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'
The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'
The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin, I am.'
The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin?'
The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'
The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'
The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.'
The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?'
The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'
The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight!
Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!'
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'
Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'
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Church Ladies With typewriters . . .
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They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.--------------------------The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'--------------------------Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.--------------------------Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.--------------------------Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.--------------------------Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.--------------------------For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.--------------------------Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.--------------------------Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.--------------------------A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..--------------------------At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.--------------------------Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.--------------------------Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.--------------------------Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..--------------------------The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.--------------------------Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.--------------------------The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.--------------------------This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.--------------------------Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.--------------------------The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.--------------------------Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.--------------------------The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.--------------------------Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.--------------------------The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
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GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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